Peace of mind Lauryn Hill: A meditation on separation from that dark place & those people!

As a singer I listen to a lot (I mean a lot) of music for the different styles and genres to train my voice to a range of sounds.

I’m no whitney but I can hold a note!

I enjoy listening to music and if you watch my Instagram stories this shouldn’t be news to you. Imma put a song on my story, don’t like? Don’t watch 🤭

Over the last weekend I was scrolling through social media as I do and came across a snippet of a song that spoke to my soul. Lauryn Hill’s I gotta find peace of mind and that was basically all I played throughout the day because it really told a story that many, myself included, could relate to.

Have you ever had someone or people that have tried to break you down? Try to tell you who you are from the brokenness of themselves or their distorted and negative perception of you?

I’ve been through it a lot, I’ve been made fun of, teased, bullied, rejected, excluded, abandoned, undervalued, and overlooked.This left me with an inferiority complex,  a lack of identity and a slew of terrible decision making that confirmed everything people said about me.

The narrative that was bestowed upon me I wore it as a thorny crown.

I was ashamed. But that was the story I told myself and my life was a reflection of all the trauma I had experienced.  Lots of failures, setbacks and mistakes.

Listen.

I remember so vividly one girl that used to bully me in secondary school. I went to a friend about it and she told me to see it from her perspective, that she is insecure. I must view it from HER lens, there was no comfort, no defence for me. I didn’t feel listened to, not valued nor respected.

How can she say that to me? You’re meant to be my friend?

Another girl I was supposedly friends with, I found out many years after I stopped speaking to her that she would be talking behind my back to talk down on me.

This was news to me however I had always felt in my spirit she didn’t like me. I knew this because there were things I did that I was crucified for that she’d turn a blind eye for whoever she wanted to be closer to for things maybe even worse than what I did.

We all make mistakes!

I’m not bloody perfect and neither are you. Please don’t let people put you down for things they don’t understand and never will.

They are not you and they don’t have and exist in your body, they don’t understand your mind and they will never understand why you respond do things the way you do because they are not YOU.

People from their ivory towers of perfection looking down on you like they’ve never been through something or they’ve gone about their traumas differently!

JESUS SAVES

I need something anything to fill my brokenness but nothing I wanted worked. I was chasing waterfalls and highs that left me utterly broken and dejected. I needed out or it was going to be suicide.

I’d ruminated and ruminated on what I was going to do. Something not painful but still would take all the pain away and the thoughts that tormented me and would wake me up at night in mountains of anxiety.

Overdose.

I would get as much medication I needed to finally do the thing I needed to do.

But before all that there was 1% of hope left in me.

I made a call.

This call was my saving grace.

Just Come

I did and the rest is history!

Jesus saves and he can restore.

Lots of Love

Lero x