Introverted

The struggle of introversion

Being an introvert is very difficult at times sometimes I would ponder as to what’s it’s like to be extroverted, open and bubbly. I’m naturally reserved and it bugs me sometimes because even when I’m surrounded by people, family friends I can feel very alone and abit alien.

On numerous occasions I feel like people think I am standoffish however that isn’t the case. I honestly can’t stand social environments for too long. I get socially tired and I have to find somewhere to hide to feel less overwhelmed.

Let me give you an example if this: One time I was at an event I had nobody to talk to and I became so stressed because I felt so aware of how alone I was ngl terrifying.

An introverted person is described as an “a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than external things i.e. a shy, reticent person.” I would say I am those things. This definition makes introverts seem quite selfish, I’d rather put it as hyper-aware of surroundings to a point where you overthink the over thoughts further creates the snowball effect of a serious internal meltdown. I can definitely say that I’ve had panic attacks because I’ve felt so hyper-aware of my existence. I go into deep reflection about the way I am around people because I’m not the open bubbly type (Internal thoughts be like) "I wish I was a better friend, funnier louder etc.." I can’t shake the feeling my personality is not good enough.

My main dilemma is that it especially hinders me from relating to people but also from other people seeing the personality I really have.This is a bit of a rant but also sort of vulnerability.

If you’re an introvert too, I get it. If you can relate holla @ ya girl ;)

-Lero x