By Job I’m talking about Job in the Bible not an actual Job (Mary this one’s for you 🤣🤣🤣).
THE LEVEL OF WITCHCRAFT THIS I HAVE ENDURED THIS YEAR HAS BEEN CRAZYYYYY BUT WE MOVE!
ROC NATIONNNNNNNNNN***🫵🏾🤨👁️
***= No I’m not talking about Roc Nation but the authors of my suffering Roc Nation is simply just the euphemism. God will deal with you all I promise that! 😇
I haven’t written in ages because I didn’t receive the promptings by the Holy Spirit to write anything but I have kept this one on the vault for a while now in its unfinished state because I needed to see the end before I wrote the beginnings because somethings needed to happen, if that makes sense! 🤣
HERE IS MY 2023 RECAP:
I started off the year in deep waters, life was taking a turn for the worst! All the job opportunities I was getting in London were waning, constant interviews back to back followed by back to back rejections.
The tech companeis, asset management firms, banks I was interviewing at didn’t want me. The crushed my ego and pride real bad, I was trying soooooo bad. I worked so hard on my extracurriculars cause my uni grades weren’t what I expected, they were WOWED but it was never enough.
I was back to overeating again, bingeing, gaining weight again. I would literally buy bags and bags of sweets and chocolates or takeaway and whatever to make me feel SOMETHING, but we all know that never works. I stopped going to church some time before because I wasn’t doing me anything, I felt judged anyways and triggered by certain things I didn’t want to face.
I didn’t have a proper relationship with Christ anyways so it didn’t mean much! 🤷🏾♀️
I remember I was dating a guy November/December 2022 and I was meant to attend a church programme that was important for the new year, I skipped on that and my parents were arguing with me whilst I was getting ready to head out and I just ignored them because I wanted to see this man that I had been going on dates with and he was saying ALL the right things to me at the time.
THAT was the beginning of the end.
Word to Cleo Sol “I was chasing a lonely feeling, lost my mind…”. Real beginning of the end of days for me.
He ditched me not long after that day I met up with him for the final time.
My heart was BROKEN. My dating attempts were in shambles, I was so unlucky in love. I genuinely thought I was cursed… I would treat guys with respect and kindness but they took advantage of me, humiliated me, some were SO mean to me and for what? I just wanted to LOVE somebody, I would give so much of myself to people who didn’t want that!
I understand now that people treat people the way they feel about themselves.
From December to March. Gods judgement reigned on my soul… (Think about that May 2020 call)
If I go back to the May of 2020 during the lockdowns. I was going for a run, in those allocated 2hrs we were allowed outside. My uncle called me on this run and said to me “You need to STOP dating and surrender to God or you WILL die!” My uncle was a pastor and I’m telling you, God was speaking to him.
Mary had said the same thing to me (maybe not as dramatic) but it was during a Christian event at uni May 2019 - I knew God was speaking to me through her, it always stuck with me she cried out for my SOUL! A real friend and sister in Christ, no friend had done that for me!
When I was a kid he was my favorite uncle as a child. My funcle - would take me to lots of fun places but as he grew up, he grew in Christ and our destinies were connected he become a Christian mentor.
Everytime I was going through it God would speak to him and he would speak to me. But I wasn’t ready to listen.
As I was growing up he would tell me I need to fix up strengthen my relationship with Christ and I would just run away because I didn’t need that! I wanted to make money, boys to like me, I wanted to focus on improving my looks and go on dates. God didn’t do much for me anyways?
Or so I thought…
When the chips where falling where they may, my life really descended to hell.
I was having constant spiritual attacks from Jan-March of this year, I’d wake up in terror in the middle of the night, constant nightmares sleep paralysis, mental decline and physical decline, I couldn’t think straight. I was going insane and I was ready to k*ll myself.
It would be a Paracetamol overdose because that seems the least painful of the others but would provide the same result as the other ways.
Before this though, something in my heart was telling me to call my uncle he’d told me to come up to Manchester as soon as I graduated so he could help me going with the career thing because he’d gone before me and had lots of corporate experience helping others along the way get on the career ladder.
But my heart wasn’t ready to leave London. It was LONDON! All my people were here!
I made the call mid-March and made my way up with one suitcase and my mental health in tatters.
What ensued after is something I never could have expected.
My life started improving, I was learning responsibility, accountability and discipline because my uncle was a military style kind of authoritarian I was thrown in FIRE! But it was a what I needed.
It was VERY hard, I was still in a mental rut and suffered immense level of shame because of where I was in life. The constant rejections whether it be Jobs, Friends, Love.. it was so hard I was in so much pain. I had so much doubt about myself because I was seeing life from the lense of rejection my self esteem was in the gutter, I could barely look people in the eyes! I fought through the mess from March - December.
I WAS A MAGNET FOR REJECTION.
Why? That was God, everything was God. He had a plan.. the reason I was facing so much rejection was attached to my purpose and what I was meant to do on my life path.
From pain to purpose forreal!
I started getting my confidence back but with Christ at the centre. By August time, I started going out more. As I was working I upgraded my wardrobe, started making friend, and moved out of my uncles place.
By October I started my ministry.
I would be helping young girls, the pain I went through, I wanted to help in the way that I could. Using my pain for purpose.
That’s when I really found out who the devil was.
By September time things were really going up for me I joined a very nice luxury gym, I was coming back into myself but more confident and secure this time, and getting attention from people who were dodging me when I was down! Lmaooo funny how things turn around!
At my place of work l I was becoming more competent and very confident I was pursuing further qualifications so I could become a Project Manager/Business Analyst. I passed my exams and was getting interviews back to back! God was really all in it because I finally surrendered everything to him.
However that all changed end of October onwards...Rejections back to back again?!!! They would be wowed then all of a sudden back to square one, it was the strangest thing. People started turning on me, I was getting really sick! I couldn’t sleep waking up at odd hours of the night. I couldn't work a lot.
IT WAS STRANGE.
I had to turn to God! I was facing the things I thought I had been freed from!
God had me in the Job season:
In the Bible Job was a man that had many things, extremely wealthy abundant in land wives children he was that GUY! The devil didn’t like that and wanted God to test his faith because he didn’t believe Job truly loved and cared about God but rather he loved the lifestyle that came with Gods grace upon his life! Is it me or the lifestyle forreal 🤣🤣🤣
My story was similar certain people were allowing the devil to use them and ruin my life. They know themselves and I know who they are…they know that I know what they have done.
As I was getting closer God he was stripping me away from places and people that I thought would be in my life forever. I was learning more about my plan and purpose and what was happening to me.
I was experiencing:
-Being poisoned.
-Graveyard Spells.
-Destiny Transfer Rituals.
-Monitoring Spirits.
-Generational Curses.
-The Soirit of Delay.
-People who didn’t want those generational curses coming for my life.
Word to Drake & Jay Z the lyrics on the song Poundcake ringed true. “Yeah, I swear shit just started clickin dawg. You know it's real when you are who you think you are”. Those lyrics were so REAL for me.
You religious spirit people better mind your business fr leave me alone. You know what I mean. 🙄✋🏾
I had to dig deep, fast and pray.
There is a certain scripture that showed me how to fight though… Mark 9:28-29 “Afterward, when Jesus was alone in the house with his disciples, they asked him, “Why couldn’t we cast out that evil spirit?” Jesus replied, “This kind can be cast out only by prayer.”“
Certain spirits and people could only be battled with scripture heavy prayer and fasting. That was my November, the attacks ramped up but my God is bigger and stronger! I was spiritually annihilating my enemies:
I remember there was one night I couldn’t take it I was so angry, I needed my enemies to suffer the way they were making me suffer (in group of them anyways I was on regular contact with). I cried out to God to give my enemies the sicknesses they were afflicting me with. I kid you NOT the next day the people I knew had poisoned me and tried to stagnate my life were all sick or their children were sick!
I was in the twilight zone forreal, seeing the look of death on some of their faces told me everything I needed to know. They were trying to kill me!!!! But God was giving it back to them x100.
This was only one group of people, I was facing warfare from family, church people, people from my university. God showed me some of these people were witches and warlocks people I never expected. Some of you lot know and are friends with these people. I couldn’t believe what God was showing me but it was HUMBLING!
People aren’t who you think they are just because they take up leadership positions at university and sing or preach a word in Christians societies lmaoooo anyways. Anyways God will expose the frauds that I know for sure.
That when I knew the power of God, that’s when I knew the calling God had on my life was something people wanted in the grave. People shamed me shunned me rejected me LIED on me tried to manipulate me, situations that were lies.
I stood in my truth through it all. I stood on the word of God! He has vindicated for some of these things but the rest is yet to come.
I found peace, I’m not fully exactly where I need to be but God has me. I found peace and comfort in him. God needed to strip away everything to show me that HE loves me, HE cares for me, HE has my back in the face of rejection, injustice and suffering: Like Christ, like Job, like Moses like Esther like Daniel and Joseph…many of their stories resonated so true for the things I was dealing with spirituality and physically mentally and emotionally.
God is the waymaker, miracle worker and promise keeper forreal. Bro is HIM, he had my back when the chips were down. Nobody had me like he did, that’s why I stick with him!
I urge you to choose Jesus choose GOD! He’ll change your life! I’m not saying it will be easy but he will make the pain and suffering you have endured to go away. He can bring you PEACE LOVE & JOY that people cannot give on the way that you need.
I was trying to fill my life with so many devices that just wasn’t working because God needed to work. God is the only person that can make everything work out for you!
The Bible says SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND ALL OTHER THINGS SHALL BE ADDED! MATTHEW 6:33
When you seek God first I promise you God will give you the desires of your heart, you will realise those desires have always been placed in you. Things you need! Because as you start thinking the way God thinks, his thoughts become your thoughts his way become your ways!
Choose God this 2024! Your life will never be the same!
Lots of Love 💕
Lero x